In May 2014, igNation launched a series exploring the Jesuit identity as it is expressed in works of fiction: "Keyword: Jesuit, Genre: Fiction".  This was followed by the series "Keyword: Jesuit, Genre: Biography".  In these two series we hear what others think about what it means to be a Jesuit – in fiction and in biography. [Source: jesuits.org]

This new series – “Keyword: Jesuit, Genre: Autobiography” – will explore what it means to be a Jesuit today – as told in their own words by Canadian Jesuits.  The articles – written for igNation –are as different in expression and format as the men who wrote them. 

                            Today's posting is by Erik Oland, SJ, 

Embracing a charism of growth and change

At age of 35 I left a career in Classical music performance to join the Jesuits.  Little did I know at the time that such a radical change fell into the pattern of the life that I was about to embrace.  That is, my choice came as the result of a desire to make my life more meaningful and God-directed, which in turn meant that I needed to be open to growth and change (often termed availability and adaptability in Jesuit jargon).  

This is not to say that such an approach is exclusive to the Jesuits.  Rather, it is to say that Jesuits are intentional about fostering such an attitude through a style of prayer rooted in the questions/statements:  “God, what is it you desire for me?” and “What can I do in order to live a life that is most fulfilling?”    Of course, once one is in the Order, these questions hinge on the particular mission conferred by the provincial.

In my fairly radical ‘shift of careers’ the question about personal fulfillment was the starting point and the question of God’s desire for me took more time to gain in amplitude.  Eventually, I realized that personal fulfillment was intimately linked to God’s desire.  If this had not been the case, leaving behind all the hard work, training and reputation that I had built in my music career – including domicile, friends and relationships – in order to allow new directions and dimensions to open up, would have been even more a shot in the dark than it actually felt at the time.

Upon entering the Novitiate and continuing the storied years of Jesuit formation –  philosophy, theology and language study, combined with experiences of working in far ranging cultures – I was given all the experiences needed to test and confirm the decision to enter the Order. 

And then came my first assignment!  Where else but in the Jesuits would a former opera singer receive his first formal assignment at a rustic and rowdy stay over summer camp for 8-17 year olds (Camp Ekon in Muskoka); and as director to boot!  Even my close Jesuit friends wondered what the provincial was thinking.  In addition, I was missioned to Loyola House in Guelph, Ontario to work as a retreat director and coordinator of the big training program…  Four very fulfilling years and more on the horizon… until I was asked to leave it all in order to conceive and open our bilingual novitiate in Montréal…… until…?  Surprise, I’m still in Montréal and beginning year 7 as novice director! 

“Growth and change” (availability and adaptability) represent a disposition to be open to a new ministry, using one’s gifts of course but also allowing the mission to shape and re-shape one’s way of doing things.  It would not be an overstatement to say that my six years at the novitiate have demanded more growth and change than I would ever have imagined for someone now in his mid-50s. 

Truth be told, one of the things that I appreciate most about many Jesuits is their capacity to adapt and change – ministry, community, geographic location, learning a new language – and to embrace novelty fully, even when it means stepping outside one’s comfort zone.  Hence, when a Jesuit is asked how much longer is his formation going to be, one is often surprised by the wry smile and non-committal answer that may go something like:  “I’ll be ordained in a couple of years, but after that I will need to finish studies or receive an assignment…. Oh, but then I will have to finish my formal formation by making tertianship and going back to novitiate-mode.  Then after a couple of years, I’ll hope that the provincial will call me to final vows.” 

Or the 80 year old who states: “Yes, every Jesuit makes the 30 day retreat at least twice but I’ve made them four times because I needed to discern how God was calling me to shift into a new ministry and where I might be resisting…… That’s how I ended up in India.”

The Jesuit doesn’t contemplate retirement.  He simply accepts that slowing down is part of aging and that the closest thing to retirement for him will be accepting to be less active.   In sum, Jesuit or not, we are never ‘finished products’, waking up one morning able to say “glad, that’s done, I am fully mature; I’m clear about how the rest of my life will unfold.”  For just as our bodies continue to change up to and beyond death, so too our psyches (fully in tandem with the body) continue to adapt and change, to grow and to respond. 

So, for a Jesuit the question is not so much ‘when will I retire’ but rather ‘how can I live my life and mission to the fullest every day until…… I come face to face with my maker.’  Indeed, I have always been happy to be part of an institute that writes ‘praying for the Society’ beside the name of every member in the infirmary, no matter how physically or mentally frail he has become. 

Perhaps it might be helpful to think of ourselves as eternal novices in life, ever refining our desires and, through prayer and discernment, allowing those desires to be shaped by God’s desires for us.