At the age of 65, after 48 years in the Jesuits, for the first time in my life I have nothing to do. Or, to put it more correctly, there is nothing I have to do. Being on sabbatical for a full year (August through July), I am experiencing for the first time in my life since childhood the almost complete absence of obligation. No required activities, no expectations, no formal duties, nothing!

Let me clarify. This does not imply that I am doing nothing. Quite the contrary. I find myself busy with many things. But all of them are things I have chosen to do; none of them was taken on out of a sense of duty or obligation. Last semester in Toronto, I did a lot of ministry in schools and other areas while helping Fr. Mbugua get up to speed in the Vocation Office.  This semester I am in Rome and, for now, just enjoying the opportunity to appreciate all of the beautiful art and architecture that Rome has to offer.  Classes don’t start here until mid-February, at which time I will begin auditing a couple of courses at the Gregorian University.

And so for the first time in my life I find myself faced with having to define myself by something other than what I do, my title or role in the Jesuits, my formal duties. When people ask me what I do, I can no longer rely on the quick response: "I am the Assistant for Vocations," or "I am the Socius," or "I am the Superior."  All I can say is, "I am taking it easy; I'm on sabbatical." And then I wait while they try to figure out just what that means.

What does it mean? Well, for one thing it means I have leisure to pray, to read, to relax. I have time to attend to my health and fitness. There is a specific purpose behind this; namely, preparing myself to walk the Camino de Santiago in Spain in June.  This will be the culmination, and I expect the high point, of my sabbatical year.  It will be a challenge, to be sure, walking 730km in 30 days.

So I have been getting ready with regular exercise, and lots of walking. It's paying enormous dividends in ways I could not have anticipated: loss of weight and better physical conditioning, as would be expected, but also deeper peace, a greater sense of well-being, a more richly active prayer life, and a fuller appreciation of life in general.

So what have I learned that I can apply to life after sabbatical? For one thing, I've learned that I have to be more attentive to my physical health because that has a huge impact on my spiritual, emotional, and psychic health. You would think I would know that by now. But this is really the first time it has sunk in. And I wish more of my Jesuit brothers would clue into this rather than drop dead at the age of 60 something, as four of my classmates have done over the past several years.

I've also learned that my identity is not contained by what job I have or what titles I accumulate. I have grown in my appreciation of the importance of finding my true identity in my relationshionship with God and with others. I have always believed that and encouraged others to do it, but never fully embraced it in my own living.

I sincerely hope that these lessons, and others that I still expect to learn as the sabbatical progresses, will stay with me when I return to the "real" world of work. Happily, that's not for another several months.