As Jesus sees the disciples following Him, Jesus asks them what they are looking for, (John 1:38).  What would it be like if they did not know whom they were looking for?  What if they only had a vague idea of what Jesus looked like, and were confused by the myriad of individuals who appeared before John to be baptized?  They probably would not have found Jesus, since they had forgotten what He indeed looked like! Can the same analogy also apply to the way we pray at the end of our day?

In the examen prayer, Jesuits are asked to spend some time on the moments of their day where they felt God’s life and presence and/or His absence. Hence, in the last fifteen minutes of the day (or right after dinner, if you find that more relaxing)– one spends time reflecting prayerfully with God.  Perhaps a particular conversation will stand out as a moment of exceptional grace.  Or maybe, we will notice God’s presence in a painful moment of the day. The key to the examen prayer is that we are searching for the presence of the God of life in our day.

 Now, if the disciples were unsure of whom they were looking for, they probably would have missed Jesus.  They may have stopped and spoken to the individuals with bright clothes, while the Lord continued to move on.  Or they may have seen an old friend, and maybe decided to forget about Jesus and have a conversation with the neighbour.

 Likewise, it can happen in our prayer that as we are searching for the presence of the Lord, we get caught up and satisfied in the things that actually distract us. I might spend time reflecting on a pleasurable moment I had while at the movies.  Or, I might spend time rehashing an argument that I had with a friend.  It is good to reflect, but again, whom am I looking for?  Am I looking at all these events with a desire to find God, or am I vaguely passing over the events of the day? 

We are searching for the God of life, who is loving, creative, affectionate, and new! Very often, I forget whom I am looking for and I get caught up in images and feelings.  By the grace of God, we search until we find the the one who underlies and pierces all these thoughts and sentiments. After all, if I don’t know whom I am looking for, how can I ever expect to find Him?