Two years ago, while giving a weekend retreat at Manresa, the Jesuit retreat house in Pickering, ON, I took a bad tumble over a set of stairs. I didn't break anything, but I suffered a bad gash on my head. A Saturday afternoon ambulance ride took me to the hospital. I was released after a CT scan and nine staples to hold my head together.
When I got back to offering the retreat, I told the retreatants that the talk I was coming downstairs to offer them was entitled (ironically), "Embracing Our Vulnerability." I planned to use personal reflections from my journey of adjusting my life after a brain tumour. As if I didn’t learn anything about the need to be at peace with my imperfection and vulnerability from adjusting my life after the brain tumour in 2003, the fall over the stairs came along as one more reminder.
The journey of embracing my vulnerability continues. Early this summer, I had a bad fall at the start of a ten-kilometre race. The injuries from that fall increased my vulnerability and risk and subsequently resulted in further falls this summer. I eventually became temporarily reliant on a cane and on friends and strangers and was vulnerable to discouragement, personal doubt and a general fearfulness. I’m sixty and this summer I have felt at least sixty! There’s plenty in here for my own learning: What are my physical limitations? How can I stay safe, while continuing to challenge myself? Plenty here for further personal reflection!
My eyes have been opened this summer to see the many people who rely on canes, walkers, wheel chairs, other assistive devices and the kindness of people. A mild slope in our driveway terrifies me! Stepping off the sidewalk can fill me with dread. I’m reluctant to walk along the subway platform unless there is plenty of space to maneuver. Is the escalator moving so quickly that it will take me with it? Simple things can make me freeze.
There are many accessibility issues out there for all ages and conditions and all walks of life. I’m just speaking here of physical limitations. What about psychological limitations! And I am talking about a safe and wealthy nation. I was maneuvering around Bloor and Bay in downtown Toronto. How on earth do people manage in a small village in an African nation? I’m a wimp! I’ve been like a scared rabbit a lot this summer.
I’m reflecting on my summer with its physical challenges while thinking about this month's universal prayer intention from Pope Francis: “That each may contribute to the common good and to the building of a society that places the human person at the centre." That should not require a special intention. Rather, it should be a universal and self-evident truth. All of us have contributions to make to our local situation and to the world. Yet, we are painfully aware of the exclusion of people: due to colour, race, gender, language, physical ability and psychological ability.
I know from this summer that my physical vulnerability makes me question how much I can contribute. But I know that this is a fear that is not based in much. It’s the mind tricks of a person afraid to fall. I know without a doubt that I have plenty to contribute, but that head knowledge can be shaky. Our cities and towns are populated with women and men who face mobility issues every day. Let’s pray for a simple intention: that we may not be blind to the vulnerability of the person next to us. That vulnerability may be the cause of self-doubt or doubts from others about what they can contribute.