Each month, the Pope asks people throughout the world to join him in praying for intentions of global importance. One deals with a universal need; the other with evangelization. The universal intention for November is for lonely people: "That all who suffer loneliness may experience the closeness of God and the support of others." There is a general sense of loneliness in our culture. Although we have the tools to be more interconnected than ever before, we are often alone, and even lonely, in the midst of these opportunities. Many people experience a deep sense of loneliness, a painful longing for love and friendship that is absent from their lives. Mother Teresa described loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted as “the most terrible poverty.”
Loneliness is complex. A lonely person can be in the midst of other people. Yet he can experience no connection to them. She can be lost in herself, caught up in whatever thoughts and feelings are controlling her, so much so that she is oblivious to other people. Loneliness is an absence, a void. Loneliness does strange things to our notion of the passage of time. A lonely person can have a sense of time standing still when he is waiting for a friend to visit or call. Studies reveal the dangers to our physical and mental health when we are lonely for too long. And, of course, major holiday seasons are particularly difficult for people who experience loneliness.
I've spoken to people who find Facebook and other social media tools to be tough. The lonely person can look with envy at the posts of others. They always seem to be having fun, going interesting places, interacting with exciting people. Of course, we know that this isn't true. But the lonely person cannot separate what is in his head from the movements in his heart.
The human person is defined through interpersonal relations. Pope Benedict XVI reminds us that, "It is not by isolation that we establish our worth, but by placing ourselves in relation with others and with God." We know that loneliness is not a good thing to experience. It may be very difficult for the lonely person to get out of this trap. We have a human and Christian responsibility to help those who live with the isolation of loneliness to become more united to others. Like Mother Teresa, Benedict points out that, "One of the deepest forms of poverty a person can experience is isolation." He connects that experience with that of "not being loved or from difficulties in being able to love." We are alienated when we are alone, when we are detached from reality.
But there is another way to look at the experience of loneliness. The theologian Paul Tillich says it well: “Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone.” In other words, how can I move from the fear of being alone to gratitude for a period of solitude? We might use that solitude for downtime, recharging our batteries, and “me” time. A period alone can actually be pleasant for a busy person who is constantly available to other people. That's when many of us take time to pray, read, and do things that we need quiet space for. We have no reason to fear time alone. It’s in being comfortable with it that it can shift from a sense to loneliness to a creative and energizing period of solitude. We eventually discover that no friendship, no community, no intimacy will ever be able to satisfy our desire to be released from our aloneness as part of the human condition. Our loneliness could become a stepping-stone to closeness with God. It was Saint Augustine who famously said, "Our hearts are restless until they rest in thee O Lord." There is nothing wrong with restlessness, so long as it is channeled outward towards others.
So, along with Pope Francis, let us pray for those in our world who experience loneliness. Let’s challenge ourselves to reach out to a lonely person in my workplace, family, network of friends and acquaintances, or even a stranger on the street.