In May 2014, igNation launched a series exploring the Jesuit identity as it is expressed in works of fiction: "Keyword: Jesuit, Genre: Fiction". This was followed by the series "Keyword: Jesuit, Genre: Biography". In these two series we hear what others think about what it means to be a Jesuit – in fiction and in biography.
This new series – “Keyword: Jesuit, Genre: Autobiography” – will explore what it means to be a Jesuit today – as told in their own words by Canadian Jesuits. The articles – written for igNation –are as different in expression and format as the men who wrote them.
Today's posting is by Philip Shano, SJ
The Richness of a Jesuit Life
I entered the Society of Jesus in 1978 and have never had a serious doubt that this path was for me. Oh, there have been questions and challenges as I have encountered the realities of life in Jesuit community and in our works.
I have tried unsuccessfully to locate a quotation from an interview with Flannery O’Connor, the Catholic writer. Jesuits appear in several of her works. I recall that in the interview, she says that she would dearly love to spend time in a Jesuit recreation room. It’s assumed she expected witty and erudite conversations. These are less frequent that she would have hoped. I suspect that if she had encountered the reality, she'd have revised that hope.
Sometimes, it's far better to live in the world of dreams and desires than to deal with the regular dysfunctions and internal politics of our world, Jesuits included. Despite the reality, there has been a richness and tremendous diversity to my Jesuit life that I wouldn't trade for anything.
My mother tells me that I've had many careers in my Jesuit life. It's true! Much of it has been internal to Jesuit life. I've had four experiences of being a superior, two of them in large and complex Jesuit communities with several works. My first experience of being a superior was particularly challenging, since it involved major changes to our Guelph community, a setting that was the closest thing we had to a “motherhouse” for several decades.
If you want to know what being a superior amounts to, think of parents who are on call 24/7. There is no job description. Sometimes their charges are independent and trustworthy. Alas! Sometimes parents have to be ever alert and attentive as they deal with their children. I've had many years of rich and valuable experience with our spirituality, especially the Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola.
I've been our Novice Director. I've worked with our aged and infirmed. I've prepared novices for Jesuit life and I've helped ease our dying men to take the final steps to eternal life with God. I've been involved with the finer points of administrative work. Jesuit life seems to be about meetings and committees and boards. I've lost track of how many hours I've spent sitting around a table contributing to our Jesuit life or our apostolic works.
But I have also had many opportunities to deal with the interior, spiritual lives of people – through confessions, preaching, spiritual direction, teaching, spiritual conversations, writing, and so on. I've done my share of cleaning bathrooms and cleaning out rooms. But I've also had many involvements with fund-raising and development work.
I recall an experience one night a few years ago. I had spent a wonderful evening at our annual Provincial's Dinner. There was great food, drink and conversation. Then I got home and discovered a toilet that had overflowed and no one seemed to notice. I took off my clerics and changed into my grungiest clothing and got busy. That is the life of a Jesuit superior!
There is an exercise in which St. Ignatius has us imagine ourselves “standing in the presence of God our Lord and of His angels and saints.” As a novice, I imagined a stadium, in which the stands were filled with family and friends cheering me on. Thirty-six years later, I imagine an overcrowded stadium. Through my various responsibilities and travels, I have gotten to work with and know many people – Jesuits, our lay collaborators, friends, students, retreatants, and so on. By the time I'm in my late 70s, they'll need to build an Olympic-sized stadium!
There is a line in the film Dead Again that is spoken during a particularly intense moment in the action. The actor, I think it's Kenneth Branagh, says, "I, for one, am very curious as to how all this will turn out." I find myself muttering that line in the midst of particularly thorny situations. I also use it to speak of a person who has great potential. I really am, in the most spiritual manner, curious as to how he or she will turn out in the long term. I'm sure parents must ask that about their children. It's kind of like Mary’s pondering about Jesus and what would become of him.
In the matter of my own Jesuit vocation, I am very curious as to what will happen to me. At 58, I live with the fact that I have less time left than I've already spent on this earth. But I know that I still have a few more decades of active engagement with the world and Church. I really am curious as to how all this will turn out and what my role will be in all of it.
In 2003, I had surgery for a brain tumour. Early in my recovery, I feared that life, as I knew it, was ending. However, it didn't. If anything, it's gotten richer. I think that I've become much better at knowing who and what is really important in life. And I have learned about the importance of really listening to another. I recall being at a regular session with my physiotherapist. I was painstakingly taking tiny steps in a more-or-less straight line. I asked her if I'd be able to run again. She seemed to doubt it. My innate stubbornness took over. I said to myself, "just watch." I climbed on a treadmill and I haven't looked back.
I find motivation in a line from Psalm 92: “They still bring forth fruit in old age, they are ever full of sap and green.” I really am curious as to how the rest of my Jesuit life will turn out.