One thing that I have now become accustomed to, as a Jesuit, is a yearly 8-day retreat. Recently I completed my annual retreat at Loyola House in Guelph. Such a retreat involves quite a bit of prayer; spending days mostly in silence; perhaps watching a sunset, or a stroll through the woods. And not a whole lot more than that.
The pattern that I got into on retreat this year went something like this: sleep, exercise, eat, pray, walk, pray, eat, meet my spiritual director, play the piano, pray, go to Mass, eat again, more prayer, more walking, bed. Then repeat. As you see, there was not a lot of variety in my day. And I was not accomplishing much, in a sense, having put aside my usual to-do list. I wasn't checking email, or watching TV. I refrained from watching Games 5 and 6 of the Stanley Cup finals. I wasn't even reading books on this retreat. This lack of busyness is intentional; it helps make the retreat what it is.
I might divide my retreat time into two categories: prayer and prayerfulness. The prayer time involved my designated prayer periods; the prayerfulness was the rest of the day, where I maintained (or, better, worked on) a sense of inner quiet and openness to God, while taking a break from the more “active” prayer.
I recall one day where, at the end of the day, I was feeling pretty good and grateful about the day. I had had good prayer. I had done the other activities I had planned for the day, the “prayerfulness” activities of walking, playing piano, etc. Having reflected on my day, I checked my watch and saw that it was 9:30 p.m. – and I couldn't think of anything to do! (That's not an experience I have often!) So what I did is sat in the lounge let my thoughts roam somewhat, enjoyed the space and the silent company of the other retreatants. It might seem, then, like I was wasting time, not accomplishing much!
But then there's the definition of prayer as “wasting time with God”; and, looking back on it, this retreat was not a waste of time for me. It was quite fruitful, quite helpful.
The main graces, or gifts received, during the retreat, I would generally name as follows: a deepening of my relationship with Christ; some healing and growth within myself; some ideas and future plans clarified, with new energy to put them into practice. Besides these graces, I noted in my journal toward the end of the retreat that my thoughts were “clear and good”, thanks be to God. A week of quiet and lack of busyness had slowed down my movements and my thoughts. The thoughts were not only slower, but felt clearer and more sure.As well, I was more in touch with my feelings and with the spiritual movements that were going on within me.
Now, I must admit that the inner sense of quiet and stillness didn't last long. I hadn't forgotten how to act and think busily, and reverted to that fairly quickly. And yet, this 8-day retreat, and others like it that I have had the privilege to do, have an impact on me. There were the graces mentioned above; there's also the felt sense that the retreat will help me in the future to find God in all things, by finding inner calm and clarity in the midst of my busy everyday activities.