The Story of Ted and Benjamin

A few years ago, I took a course on grief and bereavement.  As part of the course requirements, I did a class presentation on life span issues and death education.  At the end of the presentation, I told the following story.  (This story did happen to me, but I have changed the names of the people in the story, to protect their privacy.) 

 Our story begins on a Monday, the last week of school for thousands of boys and girls in our province.  But it is also a holiday, as we celebrated  St. John’s Day. Ted was an eight year old boy, a Grade 3 student at St. Pius X Elementary School,  a parish school at that time.  I had taught Ted the year before and I remember him as a quiet little boy, who had done a perfect imitation of Michael Jackson’s Moon Walk, at our class Hallowe’en Party.  Benjamin was a seven year old boy, in my current Grade 2 class.  He too was a quiet little boy, an avid reader who loved team sports. He had a keen mind with a decidedly logical and philosophical bent.Source: twitter.com

 On this Monday afternoon, Ted was playing in his front yard.  A car came barreling down the road, driven by a drunk driver – a repeat offender at that.  The car jumped the curb and crashed into Ted.  Ted was rushed to the Janeway Children’s Hospital, with critical and life-threatening injuries.

That night the school principal, Ron Peters phoned all the teachers,  telling us what had happened.  The next morning when we arrived at school, we were told that Ted was on life support, awaiting  an organ retrieval team.

 We went to our classrooms and told the children of Ted’s serious accident and we all prayed for him and for his family.  In the afternoon, we were watching a school concert when we received  word  that Tyler had been removed from life support and had died.  We immediately returned to our classrooms, to tell the children and to answer whatever questions they had.

Source: childrengrieve.org And that’s what I did in my classroom.  I told the children that Tyler’s injuries were so serious that the doctors could not save him.  Ted had died.  The children had many questions. Benjamin raised his hand and asked, “How do you know that Ted is dead?”

            “ Because Mr. Peters (our principal) told us.”

            Benjamin continued, “But how does Mr. Peters know?”

            “Because Ted’s  mom phoned and told him.” That satisfied Benjamin.

            I continued answering questions from the other children when Benjamin’s  hand went up again.  “Where is Ted now?”

            “His body is probably still at the hospital, but we believe that his spirit, his soul is with God in heaven.  Ted’s parents, his friends and family are very sad and they will miss him terribly.  But we believe that Ted is happy with God.”

            “Are you sure?’

             “Yes.”

            “How long does it take to get to heaven?’

            “He’s there right now.”

            “Are you sure?”

            “Yes.”

            There were still more questions from the other children, when Benjamin’s hand went up a third time.Source: pixabay.com

            “What about the driver?  What will happen to him?”

            “Well, the police will investigate and if they have evidence, the driver will be charged and go to trial.  If he is found guilty, he will go to prison.”

           “What will his sentence be?”

            “I don’t know Benjamin.  What do you think the sentence should be?”

            “I don’t know.  I”ll think about it.”

  A few minutes later, Benjamin’s  hand went up again. “ I know what the sentence should be,” he said.  “I think it should be life in prison and . . . a fifty thousand dollar fine.”

 Benjamin had three questions. 

  The first question was about the reality of death and accepting it.  Anyone who has ever lost a loved one has asked this question many times and finds the answer very hard to accept.

  The second question was about what happens after death. Where is our loved one now?  Is there life after death?  If so, what is it like?

  The third  question was about the issue of justice, an important issue that is often associated with traumatic death. 

These three questions, when you first hear them, sound  very simplistic.  But they touch at the heart of the grieving process, as we try to come to terms with our loss.  The questions are universal, the answers individual.

 “And a little child shall lead them.”

Maria Kelsey is the Pastoral Assistant at St. Pius X parish in St. Johnês. She is responsible for the faith development programs for children, and families, as well as for the Elder Ministry Committee.

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